Can we have it all?

Can we have it all?

If you asked me this question 10 years ago I would have said most definitely. Picture a bra blazing 20 year old ready to light not only her bra but the world on fire.

we can do it

Just last year I would have said definitely not. Here I am a late 20 year old struggling to get to work, care for my child and make supper in the evening all while dealing with being pregnant.


Today when I think about having it all, I think we need to ask “what is this elusive “all” and why do we want it”?

Typically having it “all” for women has meant having a career, children and family. Many people would want you to believe that you have to give up one thing in order to have the other. Many other people would want you to believe that you have a right to all three and that you shouldn’t have to sacrifice one thing in the name of the other.

So, can we have it all?

If “all” is working like crazy to prove your worth, while trying to be the mom that bakes cupcakes and does crafts and the wife that makes a three course meal every night then certainly, at least in my case, the answer is no.

However, if having it all means:

Living in a smaller home so that I can spend more time with my family…

Seeking out a caring individual to help raise my children so I can pursue my passions…

Occasionally eating takeout when I am too busy to cook diner…

Spending my evenings snuggled up to my children and husband…

Then I think I can say that I already do have it all.

However, in getting it all I have had to make concessions which haven’t always been easy for me. I have had to reduce my expectations of what having it all really means.

This means that we can’t afford a giant house filled with every desire that my children, husband or I want.

This means that I can’t be the employee that takes on extra projects and works late.

This means that I can’t be the mom who is always right by her child’s side for every fall and success.

All that aside,I can still be someone who gets her work done, who provides her family with the things they truly need, the wife who cares for and respects her husband and the mom who loves her children and teaches them how to be a successful adult.

2 thoughts on “Can we have it all?

  1. Exactly! Nobody can have it ALL, but we can have some of everything if our expectations in each area are reasonable–or we can choose one area and go into it full tilt, realizing that this means giving up the other things.

    I am able to have a career and be a mom and be an involved citizen because I work clearly defined hours with little overtime, I have only one child, I take on only one big volunteer commitment at a time, and I have a partner who does some of the housework and childcare. It really wouldn’t work without this type of balancing–although the specifics could be different.

    Do you ever read The Modern Mrs. Darcy? She writes about this kind of balancing pretty often.

    • Thank you for your comment. I think that creating balance in one’s life is so important and it sounds like you have been able to create a great balance for yourself and your family.

      I will have to check out The Modern Mrs. Darcy…thanks for the suggestion.

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